Swizz Beatz just dropped 2 minutes of amazing knowledge on how to have a great relationship -- especially one as attractive and successful as Alicia Keys. Pay 1000% attention to his points as these will not only help you have a strong, long-lasting relationship, but also get you into one. Remember, communication starts at first glance.
Sleep More. Get Laid.
That was the original concept for this infographic. It still makes me laugh.
I had the awesome opportunity to team up with Zeo, a wellness company, on a research project that found whether or not sleep can effect your game.
You'll be surprised to see how much it does affect your ability to date. I typically sleep roughly 7-8 hours a day no matter when I go to sleep the night before (just ask my fiancée what happens if I don't get enough sleep).
Enjoy the infographic below and be sure to pass it around.
Is Monogamy Necessary For A Fulfilling Relationship?
This is a guest post written by Sara Sharnoff. Sara is currently finishing her Masters Degree in Family Therapy at the University of Massachusetts Boston. After years of feeling let down because her life did not resemble a John Hughes movie, Sara decided to devote her time to studying couples and intimate relationships. During her free time she loves to drink copious amounts of coffee, cheer on the Boston Celtics, and explore the gorgeous sights in New England. She's here to share her perspective on relationships.
A few months ago, the beautiful Angelina Jolie told Germany’s Das Neue Magazine, “I doubt that fidelity is absolutely essential for a relationship," and continued, “It's worse to leave your partner and talk badly about him afterwards." It is difficult to imagine wanting to explore outside relationships when your significant other is Brad Pitt, but perhaps Ms. Jolie has a point. After all, Angelina and Brad have been a couple since 2005 and are currently raising six children together, which by Hollywood standards is a massive success.
Why Intimacy is Killing Your Relationship
One of the sexiest scenes in movie history is the opening sequence between Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia in When a Man Loves a Woman. For those of you who have not seen the film, it begins with Andy Garcia’s character picking up Meg Ryan’s character in a bar. After a few minutes of some sexy banter, (spoiler alert!) the audience realizes that they are actually a couple. And that Andy Garcia looks very good in a pilot uniform, but that is beside the point.
The Ex-It Strategy
This is a guest post written by Sara Sharnoff. Sara is currently finishing her Masters Degree in Family Therapy at the University of Massachusetts Boston. After years of feeling let down because her life did not resemble a John Hughes movie, Sara decided to devote her time to studying couples and intimate relationships. During her free time she loves to drink copious amounts of coffee, cheer on the Boston Celtics, and explore the gorgeous sights in New England. She's here to share her perspective on relationships.
Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and it often serves as a time for people to evaluate their current romantic relationship. Couples spend hours choosing the perfect romantic restaurant, selecting a beautifully crafted card, and ensuring that their partner feels loved and adored. Surely they don’t have time to think about anything, or anyone, else. Right? Right?
When You Meet Someone Who’s Taken But "Looking"
We’ve all met them. The woman who has a boyfriend but still kind of seems like she’s still looking. They can quoted best as saying, "it's complicated." I personally believe you shouldn’t waste your time with these women but if you choose to, understand what she may be thinking. It will most likely be one of the following:
“I’m looking for something better (tonight).” Maybe things at home with her boyfriend/husband are terrible and she’s at the point where she COULD cheat. She’ll make it known and if you play your cards right, chances are, she’s yours for the night. Expect to enjoy yourself and have a good night. The next morning, that may be it. She may just have wanted to have her fix and move on.
“I’m looking for something on the side.” Basically, she wants another relationship that fulfills the needs her other relationship isn’t. You will always be second fiddle and she’ll never allow you to pull a coup d’amour. So she’ll have her cake and eat it too.
“I’m looking for an ego boost.” She may seem like she’s showing interest but it’s all false flirting. She’s using you to boost her ego and make her feel desirable. Maybe her boyfriend/husband hasn’t given her enough attention so she’s wondering what’s going on. She’ll go out and “test the waters.” She will never make a physical move but she’ll keep dangling the carrot in front of you (saying anything to keep you thinking you have a chance), knowing you’ll reach for it. Expect to spend the whole night with her and still leave empty-handed wondering what went wrong.
These kinds of women are VERY unhealthy and nothing but trouble can come from them. If women are reading this, the same goes for a guy who’s taken but looking. There are SO many other people that are available and looking. Don’t get sucked in the desire of wanting something you can’t have. You know where that road leads you.
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Tough Love #7: What's Your Price?
This continues my posts of Tough Love, a series of posts, giving direct advice to women based on the weekly VH1 show, Tough Love. If you have missed out on other posts, feel free to check out the other ones.
Week 1: Creating a First Impression
Week 2: Communication
Week 3: Being Sexy
Week 4: Daddy & Dating
Week 5: The Wow Factor
Week 6: Date Crimes
Week 7: What's Your Price?
This week, we’re talking about MONEY. Yes, money. It can help relationships. It can certainly kill them. We all remember the FreeCreditReport.com commercial with the guy playing in the basement of her parents’ place because his girlfriend lied about her credit and couldn’t get a mortgage for a house.
On the flipside, your spending habits can be just as harmful. Is it going to cost a man to date you? These are the types of things men think about as seriously as he thinks about anything else (if he’s serious about a long-term relationship).
How responsible are you with money? Are you more likely to spend money more on things that aren’t necessary? Is your lifestyle conducive to having to own the most expensive clothes or eating at the best restaurants?
Your lifestyle choices may be irrelevant if you are self-sufficient and work your face off for the things you want. But what if you need to rely on someone for those things? What if he puts you in charge of his finances? Are you going to blow it away with spa treatments when you should be saving for your house together and future family?
Yes, men actually think about these things.
That’s when it will be to your detriment. I’m sure you are aware of the term “gold digger.” Men will look to see if a woman has those attributes and it’s not in what a woman has. It’s in the value of the items and where they came from. If she has a $4000 watch that a “friend” in Vegas gave to her, that’s a red flag.
To a man, when it comes to money, the cost of living with and for someone is important in determining the future of a relationship.
Your perception of money directly correlates with how you value life and the little things that come with it. Men are looking to see how appreciative you are of things that they give and if you don’t give a shit about them because it’s what you expect or demand, they will NOT stick around. I promise you that.
A man wants to provide the world to a woman because he WANTS to, not because he has or is expected to.
I remember when someone had asked me on Twitter about who should pick up the tab on a date. I said that at the very least, a woman should OFFER to pick up the tab and the gesture will go a VERY long way. I stand by this statement. Men don’t want you to pay or split the tab most of the time but to them, they know you are willing to offer your part in the relationship.
You think guys don’t think about those things? Well, this is one of the many ways guys can see what their relationship with you will be. Since we're on the topic, if you’re unsure how to go about that moment when the check comes, here are a couple of tips.
Make it into a game. Be silly about it. It’s almost as awkward as the moment at the end of a first date. Acknowledge it and laugh. As a guy, I know you are just making the gesture so if you have the humor to laugh about it, that tells me that you’re also playful on top of responsible. I didn’t say make fun of the fact that most likely, I’ll pay. There’s a difference.
Make it an excuse for a second date. Something as simple as, “okay, I’ll pay next time.” That indicates you would like a second date, which will put a man at ease. You’ll also indicate your notion of sharing the responsibility of the relationship, which like I’ve said before is keeper material.
In the end, be good with your money and men will be good with you.
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Tough Love #6: Date Crimes
This continues my posts of Tough Love, a series of posts, giving direct advice to women based on the weekly VH1 show, Tough Love. If you have missed out on other posts, feel free to check out the other ones.
Week 1: Creating a First Impression
Week 2: Communication
Week 3: Being Sexy
Week 4: Daddy & Dating
Week 5: The Wow Factor
Week 6: Date Crimes
It has always been easy for women to prosecute men for their dating past. My dating past is not pristine and honestly, whose really is?
There are very few people who live the dating lives of angels and I personally think that is ok, as long as you are looking to and currently DO take action in making things better.
There really wasn’t much stuff here to talk about in this episode of Tough Love but I will talk about some of the crimes that the women of Tough Love were “on trial” for and how most men perceive these crimes to be on a scale from “not so bad” to “total dealbreaker.”
Cheating on your fiance: this particular type of cheating is pretty much the #1 dealbreaker for men. A reason why is one of the biggest fears in a guy is you reach a major point in a relationship where you think he's found the one and he proposes to you to be with him for the rest of his life.
You say yes and then as you two prepare for the rest of your lives together, you cheat on him with another guy? It’s just a terrible thing to do and it makes every guy wonder if you could EVER be in a committed relationship let alone more than that. At a certain age, that kind of offense will cripple you.
Destructively vengeful personality: once again, another serious deal-breaker. If you take pleasure in taking revenge on someone, especially one of the destruction of property nature, guys will NOT want to be in a relationship with someone who can’t control their emotions in a productive way.
What issues you may have, you need to be able to get them in check or seek a professional to help you. These kinds of issues will not hurt you with short-term relationships but if you’re looking for long-term, forget about it.
Dating a taken man AKA adultery: it takes two to tango and if you’re going after a man who is already taken (and you KNOW he’s unavailable), that is a red flag.
There are enough single, eligible men walking the earth that you don’t need to get into a relationship that is already made - I don’t care if it’s a breaking (broken) relationship. If it’s the attention you are seeking, you can get it elsewhere. It’s still cheating, even though you’re not the one in the relationship.
In these and other date crimes, they will all come back around and hurt you. Yes, I believe in karma, but that’s not the point. These types of consequences do NOT have to be in the form of the same act being done upon you. But they can play a factor in the reason why you may be still single now.
Any step to recovering from such crimes will have to deal with confronting them, being honest about them and most importantly learning from them.
Having said that, if you are looking for these types of date crimes or other potential red-flags from us guys, it’s better to be indirect with your approach when you’re initially dating someone. From there, once the two of you become more comfortable with each other, you can start being more direct about what you’d like to know or are concerned with.
We all deserve to be with someone that is going to treat us right. We’re human and we do accept mistakes. The major thing is being mature and learning from them so that those same mistakes don’t become patterns and restrict you from being deemed “dateable.”
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Tough Love #4: Daddy and Dating
This continues my posts of Tough Love, a series of posts, giving direct advice to women based on the weekly VH1 show, Tough Love. If you have missed out on other posts, feel free to check out the other ones.
credit: vh1.com
Week 1: Creating a First Impression
Week 4: Daddy & Dating
This should NOT be a revelation for many women. A woman’s relationship with their father is a huge reflection on their relationships (or lack thereof) with the guys in their life.
Many doctors have said this and it doesn’t hurt to keep talking about it because many women may not know how to break through this major hurdle in their dating lives.
A woman’s relationship with her father tells just as much as a man’s relationship with his mother. I was never REALLY aware of this until later on in life and even then, I was very ignorant of it.
With many girlfriends who didn’t have great relationships with their fathers, I always let it slide, thinking that it was something else that I just didn’t understand.
Little did I realize that there was a strong connection between the two.
To make a giant leap towards getting through such a difficult sticking point, you have to reconcile with your father about the relationship (or lack thereof) and how it has affected your LIFE, let alone your dating life.
This reconciliation can range from writing your emotions down and reading them to a peer group to actually confronting him and saying these things to him (granted, he’s still alive or around).
These kinds of things can affect someone’s entire life without them even knowing, just from the decisions they make, how they react to situations and how they manage relationships both intimate and platonic.
When I was growing up, I had shitty relationships with my older siblings and it affected me when I was in school. I got picked on all the time and had NO idea how to even go about sticking up for myself.
Then when I got into my first fight in elementary school, I put someone in sling for a couple weeks, I realized something was wrong, but never knew what to do about it so I bottled up whatever it was inside. Before my older sister left for college, she left a letter for me apologizing for the way she treated me and actually loved having me as a little brother.
That made me feel amazing and I knew that my sister wanted to be involved in my life. Fortunately, my relationships with my older siblings have dramatically improved since I started high school and have been awesome since.
I have been able to learn a lot from my experiences, both past and present and use what I have learned to HELP my relationships grow and not sabotage them anymore. For that, I am grateful.
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As an aside, there was also a point of making sure that you and the guy you are with are on the same page. You have to make sure that the guy you are with aligns with what you want and what you are looking for (in a future sense).
DO NOT let a cute face distort what you hear. If you are looking to settle down and he’s looking to find someone to party with, you have to be able to know the difference and understand that it’s not good for what you want.
Sure, he’s good looking and he’s saying and doing all of the right things, but that’s only good for RIGHT NOW. He won’t be good for LATER and in turn leave you back at Square One, frustrated and with a higher sense of insecurity that will certainly go into the next relationship you start or at the very least show with the next guy you meet.
Keep your ears free from filters and understand the difference between what you are hearing and what you are actually seeing.
Introducing LoveNation
For over a month, I have been working on a new project that has quickly become my baby. And now, after long days and even longer nights, I pleased to announce the debut of LoveNation.
LoveNation is a web show hosted by yours truly and Laurie Davis, the eFlirt expert. She’s an online dating coach that has quickly garnered attention in the dating industry. If you’re not following her on Twitter now, then you should. Here’s the show’s description:
In an evolving dating world, there isn't enough support for couples and singles in unique situations. LoveNation covers the emerging trends they face and gives tips to these up-and-coming crowds.
Every Tuesday, Laurie and I will talk about an emerging trend in the dating world and provide tips for couples and singles involved with that trend. From cougars to interspatial couples (men who are shorter than the women), we will cover them all. In each episode, we will also be answering a viewer email. If you’d like a question answered, just send it to us. You never know, it might just get answered on the show!
As an addition, every Thursday, Laurie and I will be doing a segment called He Said, She Said. giving our own unique perspectives on the same date topic. From meeting the parents, to when it’s appropriate to say the L word, both of us will give our unique perspective. My side will, of course, be from the male wingman point of view and hers will be from a female on-line perspective. Sometimes, we’ll agree, sometimes we won’t but either way, both men and women will be able to get some quality tips from us.
Check it out and if you have any feedback to give, it would be greatly appreciated!
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