Tough Love #3: Being Sexy

This continues my posts of Tough Love, a series of posts, giving direct advice to women based on the weekly VH1 show, Tough Love. If you have missed out on other posts, feel free to check out the other ones.

Week 1: Creating a First Impression
Week 2: Communication
Week 3: Being Sexy



In an episode that had more drama than average (if that’s even possible), it could be hard to find decent pearls of wisdom, but it’s possible.

To me, the key to being sexy is confidence. Just like a guy needs to project confidence to make him sexy, women MUST do the same thing.

And guys can tell if you’re trying too hard, just like women can tell when guys do it. And just like women, men are turned off by it.

What does being sexy and confident mean?

Being comfortable in your own skin, understanding what makes you attractive and subtly showing it off in a playful, yet intriguing way that makes you desirable.

For many women, that may mean to dress younger (to attract younger men) when in fact, they are in their late 30s. For some, that may mean to show excessive cleavage because they have the boobs to show them off. For others, that may mean to just wear tight, skimpy clothing.

None of those things are true and could be the reasons why you attract the men you don’t want in your life. It’s important that you to get out your own ways if you want to attract men you actually want in your life. Changing the way you look to project a different message is just one of those ways.

In a conversation that I had with my class over the weekend, one woman asked me what she could do to let a guy know that it’s ok to kiss her. I started to talk about how it’s important to be a little more aggressive in giving him hints and as soon as I said that, she was a little against it because she thought it was always the guy’s responsibility to make the move.

In many ways, I agree. But we also live in a world of giving and taking. If a woman won’t make even a subtle move, how is it fair to expect that the guy to do it, ESPECIALLY when he may not even be able to pick up the signals that it’s ok to?

All I’m saying is that if you want a guy to kiss you, you need to kiss him – strategically. You don’t have to kiss him on the lips. You can kiss him on the cheek OR you can go a little further by kissing him on the corner of lips.

Either way, it WILL tell the guy that you are making it ok for him to kiss you where you really want to be kissed – on the lips.

Projecting that kind of confidence can be infinitely sexy to men, especially when you do it in a way that is respectable.