Tough Love #8: Reconciling the Past With the Present

This continues my posts of Tough Love, a series of posts, giving direct advice to women based on the weekly VH1 show, Tough Love. If you have missed out on other posts, feel free to check out the other ones.

Week 1: Creating a First Impression
Week 2: Communication
Week 3: Being Sexy
Week 4: Daddy & Dating
Week 5: The Wow Factor
Week 6: Date Crimes
Week 7: What's Your Price?
Week 8: Reconciling the Past

It’s one thing to move on from your past. It’s another to ignore it. The past is what has shaped you to be who you are today. We’ve all had our ups and downs.

But if you don’t reconcile your past, it will certainly have an effect on your present and undoubtedly, your future.

In dating, we’re talking about your most serious ex-boyfriend. Whatever ended your relationship can’t be undone. In the end, you have to ask yourself, “have I fully recovered? Can I legitimately move on?”

These answers usually shape what happens in your current life including decision-making and overall mentality toward dating.

What will happen if you run into him again? What if you are on a date or with a new boyfriend? How are you going to react?

Running into your ex while on a date WILL happen. It’s happened to me. Read it if you’d like to read my perspective.

If there is anything you take from this post, let it be this. If you are overcome with emotion, that’s a sign that you should confront them. If you do it, make sure it’s in a mature, non-abusive, non-aggressive manner.

Bring closure to the relationship quickly and then move on with your date, your boyfriend and your life.

By NO means invest more time with your past than your potential future. It is the worst look you could ever give yourself. A man will question his respect for you and wonder if you HAVE moved on. If you haven’t, it’s seen as a red flag (unnecessary baggage).

And don’t expect him to be excited or take initiative in doing anything involving you and your ex. He may be a little assertive in wanting to get back your attention but he’ll see that as risky, depending on what he can see from your reactions to seeing your ex. He’d rather keep it cool and not embarrass himself or you.

The best way to avoid this is to reconcile these things before getting back into the dating world.

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