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approaching women

How to Build Confidence

I had a session with a client that didn’t turn out so well for him. When it came to approaching attractive women, he froze EVERY TIME. I tried to have him approach women who weren’t as attractive as a way to build up his confidence. He froze. I almost had him approach guys but I had a feeling he’d freeze anyway. Confidence isn’t natural. 

Let it be known that "natural confidence" is a perception. Confidence will always be something that you have to build and tend to.

Confidence takes on the typical cycle:

Acknowledging your comfort zone. Going beyond that. Failing. Learning. Trying again. Succeeding. Acknowledging your new comfort zone. Going beyond that and so forth.

People have a pretty easy time with the first part - acknowledging your comfort zone. Beyond that, fear creeps in. You get nervous. You don’t know what to do. You certainly don’t want to screw up.

So, what do you do?

Here’s how I have been able to get over that hump to develop my confidence to an all-time high.

Knowing you will fail. It’s VERY rare that you’ll do something right the first time. Think about the various milestones in life. Walking for the first time. Saying your first words. Taking your first exam. Your first relationship. Your first job. Your first college application. Chances are you didn’t do it right the first time and it took a few dozen tries to be successful. People rarely get a 100% rating when it comes to anything in life. So be okay with that.

Are you REALLY experiencing fear? Or are you really confusing that with excitement? I’ve said MANY times that it only takes one person to say yes. Is it worth the excitement of finding out who does?

What’s the long term plan? Do you want a wife? A girlfriend? A mistress? Whatever your goals are, you must put the process in perspective. Once you find that person that loves you for who you are, you are going to look back and be thankful for the road you went down. Being rejected all of those times and going through all of those inadequate relationships really put you in a place where you are ready for the ultimate prize in life. True happiness.

I can guarantee that anyone can develop maximum confidence but there will always be the one thing that will stop you.

Taking the risk.

Can you do it?

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After Taking Action, What’s Next?

Discipline.

I’ve had many people talk to me about how hard it is to approach and engage women. I give them the answers then they go out and do their thing. Weeks, sometimes days later, they’ll come back to me with the same problems. I ask them how many times did they try what I suggested and they only tell me a handful of times.

If that’s the amount of effort you’re going to put into your dating life, what can you possibly expect to get in return? Just because you decided to the take the risk ONCE or TWICE, doesn’t mean that you deserve to have women flock to you. And chances are those few attempts aren’t going to be successful.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s NOT going to be easy. The answers are simple but the work required isn’t. Like life, it’s not meant to be. Just like anything else, if you want it bad enough, you have to work hard to get it. If you want to feel comfortable talking with attractive women, you have to work on it - ALL THE TIME. There are NO days off. It requires really figuring out what you need to do, taking action and having DISCIPLINE.

Discipline is what gets you out of your own way. Discipline is what allows you to see improvements. Discipline is what gets the results you want.

It’s January 12. I hope by now, you have somewhat figured out a plan for improving your dating life. Once you take action, you NEED to stick to it.

You are going to fail, many times. You are going to make even more mistakes. There will be up and downs. But slowly and surely you’ll start to improve. Things will get better and soon you will accomplish things you’ve never imagined possible.

All you need is some discipline.

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Let Her Tell You "No"

I love it when people tell me “no.” When I hear “no,” I smile. Why? Because I know that I haven’t gained or lost anything. I am also secure about my value to society so I know I will not be told no to all the time. I remember in my past, there were plenty of people who have told me “yes” and through that, I know someone else will say “yes.” Someone else will take the chance. Someone else will go all-in for me. 

And they will win.

See that quote on the cup? Let me type it again for you to see.

"The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't take it personally when they say "no" - they may not be smart enough to say "yes"." - Keith Olbermann

It’s true for us, guys. There is always a woman who may look like you’re not good enough for. In some cases, it’s probably true. What she may be looking for is something either she doesn’t see in you or you probably don’t offer. And that’s fine. But you’re not going to know that unless you ask. Let her GIVE you a reason why it’s a “no” instead of just not trying and ASSUMING it’s a “no.”

That’s why I always say to ask out EVERY hot girl.

Rejection is a part of life and it’s certainly a part of dating. Women are going to tell you “no” more than “yes.” The “yeses” are those you want to focus on. And maybe Olbermann is right. Maybe a woman may not realize that it’s YOU she’s looking for.

When a woman tells you no, smile, say it’s great meeting her and move right along.

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Do You Want to Enhance Your Social Life?

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Wingman Approved or Unapproved? You Decide

A question from a local nightlife worker

Hey, I remember you said something about things to do in your service industry to meet people you're interested in...Please share.

John
Boston, MA

Hey John!

Here is link to the episode of WingmanTV that talked about this in true detail.

Episode #8: How to Pick Up a Bartender

In the meantime, here are some good tips:

1. Always be friendly with everyone (I know this is your job but some people do actually forget.). Give special attention to the women you are interested in. When I mean special attention, I don't mean special treatment. Just talk to her and her friends more every chance you get. To be honest, it all starts from the moment you check her ID. Be playful and have a sense of spirit. The more cool you seem, the more likely she’ll want to come outside and hang with you when she smokes or joins her friends . Since you work the front door, you are a man of authority and inherently attractive. Use that to your advantage.

2. If you think someone is interested in you, let her know when you are usually working the door she knows when you two can see each other again.

3. If you want to ask her out or get her number, since you can't really be messing around with the phone while you work (or can you? I don't know), tell her to put down YOUR number and then have her text you her name. It's easy, simple and very discreet.

Those should be some good starters. Let me know if that helps.

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Ask Out EVERY Hot Girl

This video comes from the inspiration of Gary Vaynerchuk and a comment he made during one of his keynotes. It's stuck in my mind and I want it to stick in yours as well.

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