Women, Why Won't You Approach Guys?

I came across this post a couple of days ago and I had to re-post it on my blog because it's so funny to think that after millions of years of socia interaction between a man and woman, things still stay the same - EVEN THOUGH it's has been proven time and time again that doings things differently can produce better results. What am I talking about here?

Women approaching guys. This post is from Single City Guy. Check out his blog.

The question of approaching a potential date has come up in a series of recent e-mail’s and conversations with friends. On Twitter I asked if women approach guys or do they prefer to be approached. Between the responses I received and the answers from my friends the answer is fairly unanimous, women prefer to be approached leaving the sole responsibility on the shoulders of us men. You would think after some several million years of evolution of hunting and finding what we want, the hetero-male-sapien (if that’s not a word, it is now), would have patented this process. We haven’t.

Men face a lot of doubt when approaching a woman, regardless of our level of toolamship. There’s a reason Mystery’s three second rule works really well. It gets us to stop thinking and just do. The more confident and sure a guy is, the more comfortable they are in approaching a woman. The other strategy is to let things “naturally” progress, gaging our approach through more social avenues. Regardless of the type of guy and his method of approaching, we love it when a woman approaches us.

In an honest conversation with a friend, I told her “The same way you MUST have that pair of shoes is the same way you must think of dating.” Stop window shopping your only going to drive yourself crazy. Grab what you want, walk up to the counter and pay for it. Like any purchase it may fit you for years or you may end up asking for a refund next week. If you like a guy, try talking to him and ask him out, making it known that you are interested in him.

Approaching a guy doesn’t make you a slut or overbearing. When we’re approached it signals that this woman is interested. If your afraid of coming on to strong or making him think you just want sex, you’re probably approaching the wrong guy. We do not think any different of you if you approach us or if you don’t. A guy who just wants to add you as another notch to his bedpost will think of you the same way regardless of you approaching him or he approaching you.

How should you approach a guy? Easy, ask him out for lunch, drinks, coffee. Get creative if you have to, women your a lot better at getting our attention than we are!

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What I Really Learned While on Vacation

It was my first trip back to Jamaica in 6 years. My family is from there and although I could have stayed with family, I decided to stay at an all-inclusive resort. Considering that I was staying with my older sister, brother-in-law, nephew and my mother, there wasn’t anyone that I could REALLY hang and party with while I was there. So I was on my own, which meant one thing. I had to create my own fun. Part of that was making new friends.

Here is one thing that you should think about wherever you are – especially when you’re on vacation. If you see someone you’d like to talk to, go and approach them. Chances are, you’ll never see them again, they are NOT going to blow you off (pending you’re not creepy), and if you do get rejected and there is any shame, you can leave it at the vacation spot. YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO LOSE.

When I went to the bar, I began talking with the bartenders, who were relatively young (around my age), and our conversation sparked conversation with other people at the bar. By the end of the first night out, I had made about 4 or 5 friends that I could hang out with while on vacation.

When it came to women, I feel when you’re on vacation, you should feel as though there is more room for mistakes because under the pretense of having nothing to lose, you can afford to make a couple errors. I’ll tell you what. The same thing applies when you’re back home. If a woman makes direct eye contact with you, she is telling you it’s ok to approach her. One night, a woman and I were exchanging eye contact throughout the night. I was having a good time with friends so I was in no rush force things. When I finally approached her, we ended up having a great time and spent a lot of our vacation together. There were other women who I talked to and made connections with but it all happened because I took action on a present opportunity. You need to do the same too, no matter where you are.

It’s not about being cool or letting her know how awesome you are. It’s about having fun and not caring about what could happen. You only have the ability to work with what IS happening at the moment and what you can MAKE happen.

Learn to spread your energy and your value wherever you are. People find that kind of personality infectious and they will gravitate toward you. I remember (for the most part – I had A LOT of alcohol while on vacation) every night I was talking with a different group of people. Some were my age, others were married couples that’ve been married forever, some had just got married, and so forth. I was listening to their stories and I was sharing mine. By the end of the night, people were dying to hang out with me again. And by the end of my vacation, everyone knew who I was at the bar. Bartenders knew me by first name and we taking care of me first (which helped my mother and brother-in-law get served a little quicker whenever they needed a drink). Some people threw a farewell get together for me on my last night. I even had people who were in the lobby looking for me when it was time for me to checkout and leave. It was one of the best true vacations that I have ever been on.

Since I’ve been back, there has been a drive stronger than anything I’ve had since I’ve started this blog and this company. My relaxation is at an optimal level. My sister said it best. “Dude, if you were any more relaxed, you’d be dead.” The vacation was a deal-changer in the sense that it’s changed my perspective on time, value, energy and everything else that’s important to me. The game has changed and that game is my life.

I am not boasting for the hell of it. These people were awesome and I plan on keeping in touch with as many of them as possible. I had an amazing time and these are the types of things that I have always taught my clients and blogged about incessantly. I hope you guys can take these tips and my experiences and make them your own. Whether you are in your hometown and know a lot of people or on vacation and know absolutely no one, you can make your experience an amazing one if you just let go, take some risks and live in the NOW instead of the future of POSSIBILTY and FEAR.

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Two-Column Theory to Approaching Women

As I was sitting on the bus headed back to Boston after an amazing weekend, I figured I’d take the time to look back at some interesting points that were made over the weekend. After shooting a WingmanTV episode that I did in NYC, my guest and I were talking more about dating and meeting women. He brought up something interesting that I’d like to talk about.

He said that when it comes to approaching women, as an older guy and knowing what he wants, he’ll look at a girl and place her in one of two columns.

Column One – “You look like a fun time.” He carefully looks at her and decides if she can be someone he can have fun with. You have the kind of fun that can be just for that night. You also have the fun that can bring lots of energy and conversation for an extended period of time. Finally, you have the kind of fun that you’d want to be with for a VERY long time – potentially, the rest of your life. In this, he also included attributes such as low-maintenance, non-elitist attitude and friends. Yes, he does this just by checking her body language and how she’s carrying herself in the crowd.

Column Two – “You look like you require too much.” This column has women who look and act as though they are very high-maintenance. The kind of girl that would make you buy her a drink before talking to her or else she won’t give you the light of day. In the same column are women who are less mature and don’t carry themselves well in a social environment (they get wasted and make a fool of themselves). Once again, he will just look at body language, how she behaves with her friends and other subtle things.

This idea really intrigued me. It was almost like in the Terminator when he did a scan of people and their entire profile would come up and at the end, determine if they were dangerous or not. So I decided to adopt this for the day, just for fun, to see if you really can simplify things to the extent that allows you to determine if a woman is WORTH approaching.

That idea changes things a little bit because we’re not talking about the ability to approach attractive women. This goes beyond it in the sense that even though a woman can be a smokeshow, she still may not be worth you going up to her if there is a good chance she’s not going to rock your world.

So anyway, it started with walking down the street and looking at women and deciding if I would want to talk to them. This felt a little weird because it seemed as though I was harshly categorizing women and not really giving them a fair chance. I acknowledge this is something that should be frowned upon but I also see people do this everyday without remorse, especially when it comes to selecting a potential mate.

The problem that I see with this is that it’s not a perfect system. There will be times where you will put women in the wrong column. For example, a REALLY attractive woman who spent over an hour getting ready just so she can look incredible and may not get approached by any men, could have the “look” of a high-maintenance woman. The problem with that is her looks could be so intimidating that men are afraid to approach her, which makes her look untouchable when in fact, she would have LOVED for a guy to approach her.

If you remember my Wingman Unapproved post, you saw that the women we ended up talking to were happy that we talked with them because no one else had the “testicular fortitude” to do so. And they made a point to say that they are VERY friendly and would be open to talking to any guy just as long as they’re not creepy. But I digress…

In the end, this system can prove to be efficient for the kind of guy who is most likely older, is more sure of what he wants and has enough dating experience to be able to anticipate what he is getting himself into. I wonder how many of those guys exist?  It should be known that even with this mindset, there is still room for error with that theory. For someone who is younger and still searching for what he wants in a woman (and in life, in general), this may not be the best system. At all. But a fun one to joke around with.

Still interesting either way.

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